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kurikuribebi
28 April 2013 @ 01:49 pm
Enjoying a day off With my current working schedule, it seems like I'll only ever have a single day a week off, and sometimes not even that. I just finished working a three week stint without a single break from either of my jobs and let me say that I am exhausted! So when I finally had a day off, I decided to do absolutely nothing. I tossed on one of Nori's work shirts, grabbed a pair of jeggings, tossed on some booties and tied up my hair in a sloppy bun before heading out to be a lazy bum in public.

And then I realized I don't like being a lazy bum, so I went back home, grabbed my laptop and then hopped on a train to find some place decent to sit and write.

So here we are and I hope we're doing well.

My physical fitness had taken a back seat to my mental health, but now that one is in order, I can return to improving the other, and hopefully in time for summer! And it begins with a two week no wheat fast.

I got my first driving ticket. Trying to pull over in order to avoid the cop thinking I was initiating a dramatic high speed chase was a lot more nerve-wrecking than getting the actual ticket itself. The officer was a bit rude at first, but I think it was because he assumed I was trying to pull a fast one on him by pretending to not speak and understand Japanese. When I told him flat out that I understood what he was saying but wasn't sure of the proper responses to give him because I'd never been in this situation before, he came off his high horse and kindly explained to me what I was supposed to do from that point. He even took my international license as opposed to my native one, so that made things a lot easier! Things are squared away and the only reminder of the incident are Nori's occasional comments about "my new record." Even if I'm just going from the bedroom to the kitchen if he's sitting in the living room, he'll shout a "Slow down!" as I pass.

Yes, I'm just a regular ol' speed demon. And when I have my red pumps on? Fuh-get about it!! Smoke trails. I'm gone!

One constant topic of discussion between Nori and I these days is the discussion of kids. He loves them. We plan on going to a theme park on a date and I jokingly mentioned he was welcome to invite his friend's kids that he loves spending time with so much. He seemed really excited about the idea and I have to admit that I'm quite excited about it as well. He is just so good with them and I love watching him. It's like he becomes one of them. Not long ago, I hear them shouting at each other and when I go to the room to see what the fuss is about, I learn that they're arguing because one refuses to admit that the other is the cutest.

But do I want kids at the moment? No way. I've got way too much time going on and I need to be selfish for a while. Knowing this is probably the number one reason I'm not upset with Shin for telling me it was best to move on with my life. I need to be happy with myself and what I have before I can even consider putting my life on hold for a child....

We'll see what happens soon though. Soon, I'll be on a plane to Fukuoka, then taking the Shinkansen to the city where his parents live. Lets see what comes about!
 
 
kurikuribebi
09 April 2013 @ 05:34 pm
Working hard! I lied. Or rather, I was misinformed. I thought I had three days off from work coming up. Technically, I do. However, on those three days, I have to attend some trainings for a new position. So! My next real day off is in about.....two and a half weeks. Bummer. But as they say,Shouganai ne!' It can't be helped. Work is work, after all.

Other things I'm going to be insanely busy with:
1. JLPT: Every year I claim I'm going to take at least the lowest level. I take the mock, and that's as far as I go. Nori has promised to give me  300000yen if I actually go through with taking it next year. So, I'll take level 3. I don't need to study the actual content. It's more like I need to study how to....take tests? I am incapable of focusing through reading and audio sections. After a few sentences or a few words in to the sentence, my mind is gone....

2. Getting my documents for school: When I entered フェリス女学院 way back when, I had entered as an international student and hadn't needed to take any entrance exams after. All I had needed to do was fill out an application and write some papers. Now that I want to study again, I have to go through so many processes. Nori suggested I go back as a continuing studies, but I don't want a Masters in what I have now. I want a bachelors in something else.


3. Weight loss and health: Summer is right around that corner! Gotta get bikini ready! On top of that, we're still monitoring my activities and food to see what makes me get dizzy. I've been three days without a fainting spell so far, but we don't want to stop just yet.

4. Wrapping things up with Shin: Things between he and I came to a fairly friendly close. Part of me wondered if he knew this was going to happen, which was why he hadn't wanted us to be exclusive, though he didn't have an interest in dating anyone else but me. He confessed that he felt me being with Nori was better for me. "I love you Zia, but you know there is one thing I love more than anything..." he had said, which was the end of Zia and Shin, and the beginning of Zia and Nori. Still, he wants to discuss a lot of things because he doesn't want me to ever feel like he had led me on or used me at any point.

Anyway....
Can everyone stop having interesting lives until I can return? Just...sit on your couches all day.Read a book, a magazine, watch TV, anything. Just nothing worth-while. Thanks!



 
 
kurikuribebi
08 April 2013 @ 06:11 am
春が来た!

I need to stop. I need to settle. The life I've dreamed of having for so long can be as little as two years away as long as I stop putting my "wants" over my "have to do's." But before I put all those little "wants" in to a box and set them aside, I need to take one last trip. One last get-away to release everything I've been bottling up inside. One last stand at the edge of the cliff to shout my declaration to the world that I will have exactly what I want.

So this is it. This is me making a promise to myself. After this summer, after I get my health back in order, I'm really going to build this life I now know I can have--and it'll be Nori standing at my side. Not Shin.

It involves going back to school and getting the degree I originally wanted. It involves learning to love someone who makes me their number one instead of being in love with someone who loves me as well, but has me in second place.

It involves me actually feeling as confident and beautiful as I pretend to feel. It involves me solidifying friendships

I already have instead of running around with a million people I don't know. My life has always been like a drama--minus the happy ending, but now, I'm going to get that too. No more waiting. So be afraid, ladies and gentlemen. Be very afraid! This time, there is no holding back!
In a couple of days, I have a three-day break and I plan on catching up with everyone. I hope things are going great! I don't think I've been away from livejournal this long before (It's only been a little over two weeks! Sheesh!) but I do miss reading about everyone's little adventures.

I have no time to write more now, but I'll end this entry with a little interesting moment I had sitting outside the station at 3am, waiting for the next train. I was approached by a man that appeared to be in his late twenties. He asked me if I was "Lupe Fuentes." Assuming it was some new Spanish talent in Japan, I laughed, told him I wasn't, then thanked him. It wasn't until I got home that I learned that "Lupe Fuentes" was actually an Adult Video star, and that the only features we share are tan skin, dark hair and curvaceous bodies. Wow. Okay. Uhm, Japanese people are the ones that all look alike, sir. Not Puerto Ricans. Ha!
 
 
kurikuribebi
23 March 2013 @ 04:07 pm
私のアパート!

The other day, I had another one of my dizzy spells and ended up fainting at the station, so I've been taking it pretty easy, trying to figure out what it is I'm doing wrong. Nori's talked about cancelling the Kyushuu trip if my spells continue and I really don't want that. When I mentioned what happened to Shimori, he suggested I get myself checked in at a hospital to get monitored for a few days...but the last time I did that, we didn't get any real results. My EKG came back completely normal.

I'm going to have to quit my part time job because it doesn't seem right asking for an extended time off when I've only just started, but I'm wondering if part of the problem is that I over-work myself? When I was in the US, I occasionally had dizzy spells, but it's only when I'm in Japan that I completely drop.

Anyway, I've been a bad friend and not really keeping up with everyone and I apologize for that, but I'm going on a short hiatus.
 
 
kurikuribebi
14 March 2013 @ 03:45 am
ChikanCHIKAN::チカン
When used in a sexual context, groping is touching or fondling another person in a sexual way using the hands; it generally has a negative connotation, and is considered molestation in most societies.


There are certain things I don't take lightly. One of those things are perverts and the other is people who allow themselves to be walked all over. This lovely conversation happened to include both. The first thing that irritated me was the fact that her being tired seemed to be okay enough of a reason for her not to defend herself against a chikan. Really? If I'm walking down the street and someone snatches my purse, I don't care if I'm wearing 6 inch heels and dead tired after a 12 hour work-shift. I'm going to run a few feet after them (or try to!) and shout or alert someone for help. I'm not going to be like "Well, I'm too tired. I'll let it go." This is how the crime chain continues. They do it once, get away with it, then feel they can do it again. With Chikan, you stop them and notify someone--anyone.

Then it was the way the story seemed to change. It as just a hand. Not close to any danger zones.He couldn't really move. So, was he really a Chikan, or just some chap that got pinned in an unfortunate position and spot? Chikan is not a word to be thrown around loosely. It's like calling someone a pedophile. It's a title that sticks and affects people's image of you.

It was just so irritating how...flippant she could be about the whole situation, and this is how she handles most situations when people are obviously treating her like a third-grade citizen. Some time ago, she mentioned how three of her friends had dropped her out of the blue, without reason. I couldn't really understand it at the time, but I do now. It's irritating and tiring trying to be friends with someone who obviously enjoys being a victim. How can they enjoy it?

When I experienced my first Chikan at the age of 18, coming home from Tokyo Disney Sea, I remember being too scared to do anything. I tried a couple of times to fend his hand away and even moved a few inches forward (which was all space would allow at the time) but he followed. I didn't speak much Japanese then and didn't know what to do, so I simply got off at the next stop and ended up calling my then jerk-of-a boyfriend to pick me up. He was irritated at having to drive out to get me and asked me why I had gotten off the train so far from home. I explained to him what happened, and he told me I had been targeted because I wasn't that pretty--that even if I told someone what had happened, no one would believe me because there was nothing about me arousing enough to make a man want to cop-a-feel, and that being said, I should have felt happy that someone wanted to touch me.

Another friend recently told me that foreign girls, despite being thought of as being more aggressive, are less likely to notify someone of a chikan. When my friend mentioned this to me, my ex-boyfriend's words immediately came to mind and I wondered if the two were somehow related. "Honestly speaking, Zia, think back to when you first came. Girls that wouldn't normally be considered attractive back where you are from are considered good here because they are gaijin and knowing gaijin is cool, and when you came here, you kinda liked the attention, right?" he told me. He was right. It was the reason I had stayed with my jerk-of-a-boyfriend for so long. It was the reason I had no problems with him letting me get drunk then leaving me with people I didn't know. What I consider rude and inappropriate now, I enjoyed then because for once, I was getting attention.

I wonder if this is the reason why many girls don't report Chikans. Some people say that they don't report them because of embarrassment, but another friend of mine pointed out that most girls with strong personalities and self esteem would definitely report it because even though it's embarrassing, it's more embarrassing to be abused and more embarrassing to know that you let someone doing something bad get away.

I began wondering which category my friend fell in to. Was she really just too tired to do anything? Was she in a way trying to gloat that it had happened to her?

A mutual friend of ours, the first person to comment on her status, wrote in Japanese that it was okay for her to be mad.
"So violent!" she replied.

Then call me a violent person because I get more than mad whenever someone cops a feel.
I become Xena the warrior princess, turn, and nail him with a ferocious round-house kick before throwing my magical spinny disk thing at him.

 
 
kurikuribebi
13 March 2013 @ 04:48 am
Kyoto StationKyoto
(Kyoto Station 京都駅)

If you're a foreigner, most people will assume you speak English, and seeing as most foreigners come to Japan to teach English, it's not a bad assumption to make. If you ask someone why they want to learn English, they'll more often than not throw something like "Because I wanna talk with foreigners!" your way. However, there are foreigners who don't speak a drop of English. Sometimes they are tourists. Sometimes they simply came from another country where English isn't needed. No matter what the case, many people seem quite surprised when they encounter a foreigner who can not speak English. And the other day, I found myself feeling that same surprise.

I'm standing near the station waiting for a friend to arrive. A tall woman with dark-ish wavy hair and big sunglasses approaches me. She speaks so quickly that I can't make out what she's saying. "Sorry," I say to her in Japanese, "Can you say that one more time?" Whenever a foreigner approaches me, I make a habit of answering in Japanese because in my mind, it's safer to assume they know basic Japanese as opposed to simply assuming they speak English. If they speak English, they'll usually answer me in English and we take it from there. This woman, however, only gave me an odd look, waving her hand back and forward, shaking her head as she said something that once again, I couldn't quite catch. "Sorry, again?" I ask, this time in English.

She tells me in broken English that she doesn't speak English, then begins speaking in her quick tone again. It finally hit me that she was speaking in Italian, which though I could pick up on bits and pieces from its similarities to Spanish, I did not speak. My brain froze. So, this woman was asking me for something, or demanding something, or...something, and I wasn't really sure what to do or say. How could she not speak English? I thought to myself. She showed me a map and pointed at a particular spot and I nodded, pretending to get where the conversation was going. When she paused to look at me I quickly responded with "I don't know." Was she asking how to read it? Was she asking where it was? What it was?

She pointed at the map again and traced a path on the map. I caught her say the word "Circle." She looks at me again, then grabs me by the arm and gives me a tug. I stumble a little, surprised, but allow myself to be pulled off. I've been through this before, and it's no longer intimidating to me unless it's a middle-aged man doing the pulling. We round the corner and she points up towards Kyoto Tower and after several hand gestures, it dawns on me that she was asking me to help her find the way in. After taking her to it, I rush back to where I was supposed to meet my friend.

He gives me an annoyed look and makes a comment about my always being late. I explain to him what happened and he seemed quite surprised not by the fact that I was once again dragged off by an odd foreign woman (It had happened twice before with a Russian woman and a girl from Slovakia), but by the fact that the woman hadn't been able to speak English. "How do you not speak English?" my friend asks, shaking his head slightly, and I'm reminded of the stereotype that exists, that I too, had momentarily put that woman in to. I thought of friends that dreamed of traveling all around South America, but instead of studying Spanish, chose to study English.

Lately though, there are more and more people around me wanting to learn Spanish and French and I'm beginning to feel like people are slowly coming around to realizing that the world is more than just "Japan and the outside world" and that every country is unique, with it's own cultures, people and languages. Now-a-days, I hear "Do people in your country..." as opposed to "Do all foreigners..." It's a start.

Sometimes, when people approach me at the ticket stands or while I'm waiting for someone, and speak to me in broken English, I answer in Spanish, just to catch a reaction. English is definitely a useful language in this day and age, but to expect everyone to speak it? That's a bit naive.
 
 
kurikuribebi
10 March 2013 @ 03:58 pm
R.I.P Take. You're still missed!

Take's PurikuraTwo years ago, while working in Alaska, I received a call that changed my life.
"Zia, there was just a big earthquake and so--"
"--Take, I'm at work right now. I'll call you later."

Some time after that I learned that "later" would never come for us.

I had wanted to call Take's mom and talk to her for a while, but the last time I talked to her, she had stressed how important it was for me to not keep myself completely hung up on what had happened. She didn't want me to forget him or her, but she did want me to move on. If I called her, I'd probably slip back in to the what ifs and why dids of the situation. So, I'm going to call her at the end of the week to see how she's doing. As if today wasn't enough, this week is also White Day (The same as Valentines Day, only instead of girls gifting guys, it's the guy's turn to return the favor) and I'm going through some issues with both Shimori AND Nori. Ugh Ugh Ugh.
Anyway, here we go. Memory post!!

We're walking together towards Osaka castle when a pair of older ladies stop us and ask for a minute of our time. "Would you mind filling out this survey for us?" one of them ask me, handing me a single sheet of paper on a clip board. I skim over it. It's a survey aimed at tourists. Of course, I'm no tourist, but I have no issues filling out their paper. When I finish it, I hand it back to the woman and she begins making small talk. My Japanese at this time being quite limited, I answer in short, quick sentences and rather quietly. Both women smile and tell me I'm very cute. They then tell Take that his girlfriend is very cute.

( ゚-゚) => ( ̄□ ̄;)!! => (*゚ー゚)ゞ

That was more or less his reaction. No verbal reaction. No "Yes, she's cute." No "Thank you." Just a series of odd facial expressions!


I thank them, since he appears to be speechless and we continue on our way. Finally he asks me "Were they talking about you?" I blink a little and respond: "Weren't you listening? They said your girlfriend."

"Oh. My girlfriend? Okay. Good. I thought they meant you!"

It took a second for the words to sink in, but once they did, I began taking off my earrings. Take didn't speak much English, but he clearly understood the streets and understood what it meant when a Latina girl took off her earrings because off he went, running down the path towards the castle. By the time I caught up to him, he had already purchased his ticket in to the castle and had crossed the entrance in. "Come out here!" I order, standing by the ticket booth. "You have my purse! I can't get in unless you come here!"

He points and says "Put your earrings back on! Prove to me I'm safe if I cross the line!"

When we realize that the man in the little ticket booth and a few other people are staring at us, we start laughing and he comes to pay my ticket in.

Why do I remember this moment so well? Because it was the day I realized that even though Take couldn't remember half the things I'd say to him, he was very good at reading my movements and knowing what I was going to do next. He understood the things that were never said. He was a clever, clever man.

Miss you dear!
 
 
kurikuribebi
07 March 2013 @ 03:16 pm
My dizzy spells have been returning, which means I need to go back to a high-iron diet and pay a visit to the doctors. I really hate doing that though because no matter which doctor I go to, my weight always seems to be an issue. No matter what I go in for, there always seems to be the need to point out that I am 3kg over-weight, and it makes me not want to eat at all, which only strengthens my dizzy spells. I'm going to have to go back to living a note-book life, which means jotting down what I'm doing/eating in order to try and keep track of the times I'm most likely to get dizzy. It makes me feel like I have some kind of eating disorder...

We went out and bought me a new cute journal for me to write down times and occasions I feel dizzy, and we bought a new fitness journal.
ダイエットの記録!
Nori insists I keep track of every little detail until we figure out the pattern, and then we'll have a little more flexibility. "It's better for you to be inconvenienced for a little while and solve a problem, than inconvenience my plans for us forever," he says ^^;; I haven't mentioned anything to Shimori just yet, but I'm still debating if I will. I feel that like Nori, he'll encourage me to get better, but he'll handle me with kid gloves and it's not what I need right now.

By the way, a while ago I went to Tokyo Disney sea and I can't remember if I mentioned it! But I went with an old teacher, her daughter and two other former classmates. It was a real blast and everyone enjoyed making me ride everything I was deathly terrified of. I wonder if I'm easy to spot. Whoever can not find me will have to pay me. 

東京ディズニー

As fun as it was though, I think this will be my last Disney run for a while. Universal Studios Japan is so much closer and there is so much there I haven't explored yet. I expect it to be the same for the most part, in terms of attractions and such, but I wonder about the parades and costumes and all that. Nori is a bigger kid at heart than I am, so maybe I can get him to drive us over one weekend.

 
 
kurikuribebi
Sunrise
(View from my balcony.Sometimes I wish I had an apartment on a higher floor. Sometimes, I'm happy right where I am)

My alarm is set for 6am, but these days, I automatically wake up at around 5:30 am. Usually, I stay in bed until around six, using that half hour to catch up on emails, facebook, journals, ect. But sometimes, I manage to drag myself out of bed to have a cup of tea on the balcony. It's a good way to relax before a busy day, and lately, I've been having quite a few of those. Work and training take up the majority of my day. Sitting in traffic takes up another portion.

Why does Japanese traffic feel worse than American traffic? A co-worker and I complain to each other about it often. I found out that we live rather close to each other, so after a while, I might suggest a carpool to help us both save a bit of money and make our long wastes of time in traffic a little more enjoyable. I also wouldn't have to drive myself anymore as I'm sure he'd want to control the wheel!

I've also been busy being a repair woman of sorts. My first item was my smashed cellphone. Instead of paying close to 30000yen, I chose to attempt the repairs myself. I replaced the glass and cracked camera lens and bought a full pouch, non-slip case to protect it. Total cost, 4500yen. So once my phone was fixed, I had music to run to again, and we whipped out the portable treadmill....which turned out to also be damaged! So I grabbed a few tools, popped that lil' guy open, worked some magic, cranked it up, and had a good run. A couple of days after that, my laptop decided to act up. When our internet provider wasn't able to help, we assumed it might be a hardware glitch, so we called up the manufacturing company. Apparently, now you need to buy a subscription that costs about 214USD (This laptop is American, so I had to call all the way to the US for the stupid pricing!) before they even try to help you figure out what is wrong with your computer. I wasn't about to pay that either, so I sat around for three hours tinkering around and managed to fix it somehow.  The next project was our shower head, which for some reason, was releasing water at a really low pressure.

Inspired by my sudden ability to fix everything, I went out and purchased a sewing machine!!  So over the next few weeks/month, I'm going to be busy modifying a lot of my clothing. I really should have bought one of these a long time ago. I can already tell I'm saving myself a fortune, when I look at all the clothes I'll be able to use again.

I've never felt so motivated to save money, and Shimori picked up on that. He asked me if I had any big plans for that money, and for the first time ever, I felt a little guilty about all the running around I do with Nori. When I told Shimori that Nori invited me to go to Kyushu, he seemed okay with the idea. But telling Shimori that Nori and I also want to try to go to Europe and Africa almost makes me feel like I'm cheating on him. "Yes, I love you but I'm working what's left of my little butt off to go travel the world with another guy."

He excitedly told me last week to keep an eye out for something on White Day. Apparently, he's got a big surprise. Nori told me the same thing. And for the first time since I've returned, this little love-triangle is beginning to get a bit complicated. Before, Nori clearly understood what was going on between Shimori and I, and promised he didn't plan on causing trouble, that even if he couldn't date me, he was fine just being near me, hanging out as best friends. I don't feel like he's purposely trying to cause trouble now, but there is definitely the feeling that he no longer plans on being just a bystander.

Well, I can fix anything these days. I'm sure I can fix this too.
 
 
kurikuribebi
26 February 2013 @ 08:42 am

We walk at a snails pace towards a bridge we can use to cross the busy streets. It's a Sunday morning, and after an exciting night of drinking and socializing, we're both in need of a warm meal, and I'm craving white rice. "Have you ever been there?" He asks, breaking the silence as we start to climb the bridge stairs. With a shake of my head, I admit that I haven't, though I'd walked by it several times without even realizing it was a restaurant. The restaurant we discuss is called "Bikkuri Donki", or in English, "Surprised Donkey." He's unable to explain how and why the owners decided on such a name when I asked him. But it doesn't really matter. I don't really care. I'm only making small talk just to hear him speak some more. Every new conversation means more minutes together.

"Do you have an internet diary?" Shimori then asks out of the blue. I'm hesitant to answer. If I say yes, will he want to read it or decide to distance himself, afraid that I'd talk about him openly on the internet? If I say no, will that completely kill the idea he had for a conversation? "Yeah, I have one," I shrug casually, as though it's no big deal,"Do you?"

He shakes his head. "You can write about this though. We can take a picture and you can tell everyone we had a breakfast for the first time at Bikkuri Don." I hid my happiness at hearing him give me permission to mention him to the world. I hid my happiness at his use of the word "we." I laugh a bit, making it seem like I think his idea is a silly one, then realize I've forgotten my phone at the apartment. "Next time, then," he tells me, which only makes me happier. That meant that he planned on having more mornings like this, where we woke up together and enjoyed a well cooked morning meal before starting a hectic day of work and adulthood?

"It's probably not that great, anyway." I tell him, "It didn't look so impressive from the outside."

"It's not even the outside that's going to take your breath away," he says matter-of-factly. "Just wait!"

Bikkuri Donki

The menu is massive!!!


"I want this salad. And this rice." I decide quickly, not even wanting to continue to stare at the menu. My waist line I can't afford to be tempted by anything else. He smirks and asks me why I don't take another quick look to make sure there is nothing else that I want. "I know it isn't impressive, but take a careful look!"

I give the menu another look and it occurs to me that there are about eight other dishes I want to try. "No, just the salad and rice." He orders and the waitress goes to take the menu, but Shimori asks her if we can keep it since we are still deciding on a few more things. We're not though and I know he did it to prove a point.

Our meals come. He begins to cut his meat and I shove a..chopstick full? of rice in to my mouth. Finally, I say, "Okay! You're right! This menu basically owns! The outside probably doesn't look so nice because they used all the wood meant for the construction to make all these menus instead."

"Have you seen like this before?"

"Not until now. No. Why'd they make it so big?"

"Does it matter?"

"If it didn't, I wouldn't ask."

"This is a lesson for you," Shimori then points out. "You should not avoid something because it is ugly on the outside. Because inside there is always something amazing."

"Shut up!" I tell him, "That was totally not the point in coming here. You just made that up."

"Yeah, but you can't deny I'm good!"

No. I really cant.

When we finish our meal, I walk him to the bus stop and wait with him for his bus. "We'll go again next time. Bring your phone to take a picture for your online diary!" He tells me, to which I quickly shoot back: "I'm not gonna write about it. There is nothing to say!"

I hope he never sees this.