He was momentarily silent before finally taking a deep breath and adjusting his position so that he was sitting directly in front of me, legs crossed. " I'm serious. I knew it last week. Remember when you were really busy, but didn't tell me you would be?"
"You didn't answer my messages for two days. And it hurt. I got scared. I felt like I wanted to get in my car and just drive over and make sure you were okay," He confessed, to which I shifted slightly, diverting my gaze to the remaining pasta and chicken on our plates, trying to guess what he would say next. "And I knew it then--" he continued, "--that I want to be with you. Because not being near you, not being in contact with you, hurts. That's something, right? That the reason I want to be with you is not just because I have fun when we are together, but because I don't want to be apart? " He paused. "So. Date me. Sometimes, I don't get what you're trying to say or what you are thinking. But I want to listen anyway. Give me that chance to know you and understand you."
I looked everywhere but at him. My mind and heart were running in two different lines. There were things I wanted to say but didn't want to hear a reply to. "Okay," I answered simply, nodding my head once. "Okay. Okay. Yes. Okay. Alright." He tilted his head slightly and laughed a bit, "You don't seem too sure. It sounds more like you're assuring yourself it's okay, than you are eagerly accepting my offer."
Once again, I slammed my head on the table, groaning in to a notebook that we had been scribbling on. "Actually, I had written a reply to you at that time, when I was really busy. And then I fell asleep, forgetting to send it, and didn't realize that I didn't." He said nothing, But as soon as I raised my head, he leaned forward, cupping my face in his hands, and kissed me.
And I let him. Because while I have dated many guys before, this was the first time someone had told me that just the idea of my not existing in their day, hurt. I walked him to his car parked ten minutes way. He drove me back to my flat. He walked me back to my door and held my hands. Then he laughed. "You're aware this is not a dream, right?"
"I was wondering if I would remember when I woke up," I laughed. He kissed me again. "I don't want to go. But it's midnight. You wake up at 5am, right?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I need to get some sleep."
But I couldn't get to sleep until 3am. Yet somehow, I seem to be making it through this 10 hour shift just fine.
When I get home, I might just take the last of Kenshi's pictures down.