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09 October 2016 @ 09:58 pm
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I disabled comments after getting some...interesting? comments. Go ahead and message me or just send me a request and I will check you out :)

I will keep entries public for 10 days, each (Or every two weeks if I am suddenly swamped!). Then they will be locked. This allows people to get a taste of what I'm like while still giving me a sense of privacy.

Thanks for understanding!



I had to work this Saturday and Ryu had his 忘年会 on Friday night, so we met up late on Saturday and just took it easy after getting a meal at ステーキ・ハウス松木. We aren't sure how or why we decided it, but we always seem swing by within a few days before or after the 12th, for our celebration. The waitors and waitresses are already used to seeing us around then, and we even have a "Usual table." They still know not to bring Ryu any salads, and that I can't eat rice, so to always switch it out with bread.

We talked about my little brother graduating from university on Friday, and how proud my parents were. My sister never went to University and I graduated abroad, so he's the first child they got to watch walk across the stage. We pondered over whether he and his girlfriend would be getting married, as they'd been dating six years already and now both were done with studies. Ryu mentioned that if they did, he wanted to go with me to the wedding. Not sure how I feel about that just yet, so we'll see.

Talked to my parents about the fainting spells. At the last appointment, they confirmed that it's a heart related issue, but that luckily, it is one that can be fixed with medicine, or will repair itself in an unknown amount of time (For some people it just reappears as mini-heart attacks. For some people it disappears completely for years). So now the problem is just medicine. There are two I can take. The first fixes the issue within a year, but because of it's strength, it causes heavy nausea and loss of appetite. Most people he suggests this option to need to drop more than 10kg to get healthy anyway, and their weight plays a role in the main issue, but I don't need to drop more than 3 or 4kg, so he's worried about my becoming severly underweight on them. Still, it fixes things in a year. The second option doesn't really fix anything, but simply helps me manage it. It would be no different than taking bc every morning at the same time. But there is no telling how long I would have to take them.

I told him that the first choice seemed like a better option because even if it's tough for the first few months, I'd be okay within a year. And in any case, it's not definite that I would get nauseous or loose appetite anyway. So now I have to take some laxatives and fast until the morning for a full physical and internal check, and then the prescription. I'm going to try it for a week and try to evaluate from there. I also have to think about costs because even with the insurance, it's a bit pricey.

Ryu is in full support of which ever I choose, but he worries about whether or not I could really survive without food if I got nauseous. To test me, he bought me the new Chocolate Haagen Daaz ice cream. He set it in front of me and challenged me to not touch it for a full 2 minutes. I lost, caving in 30 seconds, but only because it's expensive ice cream and it was a waste to let it sit there and melt. He made fun of me non-stop and snapped this picture of me as I tried to defend my decision and assure him that if I were to take the medicine, I'd have a bit more will-power. I mean, it's very easy to not eat when you feel sick.
It's not uncommon for Ryu to snap photos of me before things start taking a turn healthwise. He also took a photo of me months back, wrapped in a scarf and sitting by the window, when I was really ill with my stomach lining deteriorating. He says its so that we have something to look back on and remember what we've beat.
I'm grateful he's so supportive.

For now, the New Years plans to go to an onsen are on hold, as we don't know how my body will handle the medicines. If I do in fact end up getting very nauseous from them, we might also have to postpone the move, as there is no way I could handle being sick, packing, cleaning, paperwork and working full shifts all at the same time.  I'm both nervous and excited. I'm scared of feeling sick for a long time but at the same time...knowing that within a year, I could have my close to decent health back... It's been 11 years since the fainting started. It's time to be done with it, especially if I'm serious about eventually having children.

Christmas celebrations will take place at さいたま新都心. We want to look at illuminations and then see a movie. It's pretty enough, and still close enough to home what if I do feel ill, we can just come back. I don't plan on letting Ryu baby me the entire time, but at least for these first few weeks, I should probably take it easier than usual....

I was feeling really nervous (and still am) about moving in March. I'm much busier this time around than I was when I moved the first time, and finding a pet friendly, foreigner friendly 2LDK with parking included in my neighborhood didn't exactly seem like an easy task. I had never really worried about prejudices or anything like that, but after having heard horror stories from my friend, who is a foreigner, married to another foreigner, has a dog, and doesn't really speak Japanese, the concern kind of grew in the back of my mind even though our situations are quite different. But the real-estate agent I decided to contact today did an excellent job at squashing the majority of my fears and I feel like I can take it easy until at least the second week of January. That's when I'll kick things in to gear with clean ups and such. I want to save my paid days off for going home next year, so I'm going to try and get everything done without missing work.

Speaking of the move, Ryu expressed for the first time, that he was scared. Not of us living together -- he really wants that -- but of the actual move. He thought I would be angry, but I'm not because I understand how he feels. Moving is always scary. Moving out for the first time is terrifying. He's 29 now and his entire life, he's lived with his family. When I was moving to Japan for the first time, I was terrified and cried my eyes out, begging my parents to give me a reason not to come, even though I knew I had to do it either way. And when I moved the second time, I was so scared something would go wrong and I'd end up on the streets. I told him multiple times that if he wasn't sure about it, it was okay to back out now but he was adamant about living together and said that if he postponed it now, then I would find a reason to postpone it next, and then we'd never actually do it. And he's partially right. If I keep pushing it back (It was originally supposed to be moving in February. Now it's March), then I'll most likely continue to do so....
Especially since I'm already thinking about moving it to May.
Shortly after we had agreed on moving by March, I got my work schedule for 2018....and February and March are packed with events and such. I work overtime on 20 days each month. Searching in April and moving in May would be a much easier process. But the market is shitty in those months....

Anyway, Ryu had work yesterday, despite it being Saturday. I decided to head to Shinjuku and meet a friend of mine, who I won't be able to meet again until maybe January or February, depending on my work schedule. We talked about our goals from here on out, and things like that. It seems like she plans on continuing as an English teacher but quitting her current company. And she's finally decided to start studying Japanese seriously, which makes me very happy. She'd always say that she had planned on staying in Japan for the long run, even applying for permanent residency, but hadn't really seemed to put in any effort in to studying Japanese. But today, she took it upon herself to order for us, after confirming with me that she could do it correctly. For the first time since we've gone to that cafe and she's tried to order, the waitress understood without my having to jump in. I felt like a mom realizing her child had grown up. And it's hard to explain but somehow, I've finally come to feel like I'm living an adult life. Not that I wasn't an adult before... I mean, I'm 29. But the lifestyle feels different. Like, I've got a job I don't hate, a great partner I'm building a future with, my friends are healthy and happy, and we're all for the most part, drama free. It's nice.

My friend and I took プリクラ and went coat hunting after our cake and tea. I still haven't been able to find a coat that suits me, so I'm still using my green one, but it's getting overly baggy on me. I have to wear three layers underneath to make it look like I'm not swimming in it. And in one of the プリクラ my arm got cut off. My friend wanted to put a sticker over it, but I was like screw that, I'm gonna Full Metal Alchemist it and draw myself an arm. I forgot I was wearing a long sleeved shirt though, and botched it. Ryu seems to really like it though, since he says it's rare for me to not have a clean, decent shot. Truthfully, that machine confused me. The first round we took were in a Japanese プリクラ machine, but the second series, we did in a korean プリクラ machine and my friend chose the English option, which really threw me off. My mind doesn't associate those machines with English, so to suddenly hear cutesy english at a very fast speed....Still interesting though!

Once Ryu finished work, he came over to spend the night. I thought he'd be tired from work, so I decided to make a hot-pot meal so we could just stay home and relax. I basically just heated up some rice in the rice cooker, made some broth out of some seasonings mom had sent me, tossed some veggies, tofu, udon noodles, and meats in to the pot,then let it simmer. It wasn't anything fancy, but he loved it and said it reminded him of when I had first invited him over for a meal, before we were dating. It had also been a hot-pot meal: Kim-chi nabe, specifically. He had been so nervous because already he had started falling for me at that point and had been on the fence about confessing to me that night (He didn't. He did two dates later.) I laughed at his recollection, since it honestly hadn't meant much to me at the time. I hadn't decided if I liked him yet, at that time.

He's still sleeping now, so I'm trying to get an entry and some studying in. When he wakes, we'll eat and then watch The Walking Dead. I will forever be Team Hurry-up-and-kill-Carl.

Winter coat huntingAren't we classy?
Where is my arm?Hot pot meat meal!
I'm irritated that I let her irritate me, especially because at this point I should know she's going to try, and that I should be better prepared. My mom raised me on the notion that everyone needs someone -- a listening ear. And when someone has no-one, we should become that someone. But goodness, this chick I know is just.... toxic. If it weren't for my feeling partially responsible for her turning out how she did, I wouldn't bother.

Now she's married to a Japanese guy, with a kid on the way -- and very bitter. She's become the type that feels shes above foreigners on a working visa, but criticises her husband non stop. Japanese guys are sexist and women are nothing but slaves and all that. She commented she was disappointed in my "Fall from grace," and going "domestic," when I used to be so strong and independant.
1. "You wake up at 5am to get dolled up for him and make his coffee."  -- Nope. I get up at 5am because I've been getting up at 5am since I was in elementary. If by getting dolled up, you mean changed out of my PJs, then yes. I can't run errands in my PJs. Wake up and get dolled up just to make his coffee? Nope. I drink green tea every morning, so I am already in the kitchen boiling water. It doesn't kill me to mix his instant coffee as I wait for my tea to brew. It's something I do for him while doing something for myself that I always do whether he's around or not.
2. "Slave in the kitchen for him." -- Nope. I don't tell him to come over and I will cook him a meal. I cook for myself and if I have way too much left over, then I give him a call and ask if he wants some. Again. I do something for myself and he simply fits in to what I am already doing.
3. "Sleep with him whenever he wants." -- Nope. We have very similar sex drives, so when he wants it, I usually do to...and so naturally....
4. "You never meet your friends anymore." -- But I do! I've just reduced my friends a lot since I no longer have a major interest in drinking and clubs. I meet the people I really want to meet, when we manage to coordinate our schedules.
5. "But at least when you get married you won't have to work anymore." -- I do plan on working. As long as I've been old enough to work, I've never not had a job. I also have no intention on relying soley on my partner's income. They are my partner. Not my parent. Now, that's not digging at stay at home moms or people who can't work. I'm saying It's simply not something I want if I can avoid it.

But even if I DID do those things just for him....who cares? When I am sick, he brings me medicine. When I need to shop somewhere far, he drives me. When I can't understand paperwork, he reads it for me. His parents send me food. His coworkers send me snacks. He helps clean when I tell him how I like it done. It's not that he doesn't give at all. He's a good guy, and I know it.

But what irritated me more than what she had to say about my relationship, was the fact that she was allowing herself to stay in a relationship she wasn't happy in, just to stay  in Japan, and that she didn't understand the basic idea of give and take, and common courtesty....and that shes bringing a child in to this world. It makes me feel like I should have done more for her back then to make sure she didn't slip in to some dark zone as a result of whatever happened, but I'm not even sure of what I thought happened actually happened.

A woman can be strong and independant, not a servant to her man..... and still be considerate. How does someone not understand that? It makes me wonder about what her husband is like. Does he hate the relationship as well? is he as bad as she says he is in terms of living? When you enter a relationship, it's not just "me me me me me!" It's "You and me, you and me," or "Us" with the occasional "You and me." You exist as an individual. Neither of you become slaves to the relationship, but you also function as a unit, having each others back, and doing what the other can't at a certain time. It seems so....common sense to me.

Ryu and I went out to Machida, a three hour round trip train ride, to visit a guitar shop his favorite guitarist often frequents, and to check out their shopping centers for winter coats, as mine are a bit too big now (Sadly, I didn't find any that suited my body type). While having lunch, I told him all about the conversation with said aquaintance, and how it made me feel. He then said that the way she thinks and feels is more of a reason for he and I to do well in our relationship, to show her that they aren't as dark and gloomy and hateful as she is thinking. I admire his positive thinking, but I doubt she'd care either way. Still, I did feel a lot lighter knowing that I could have these conversations with him.

Machida parkLunch in Machida
Ryu and I in Machida
Today is THANKSGIVING and I completely forgot until a friend wished me a happy one via text this morning. So, Happy Thanksgiving! What am I thankful for? Hmm...the internet! Particularly, the LINE app, which allows me to call mom for gossip and advice at any time, no matter our time difference, and dog memes that give my dad and me something to laugh about.

Stitches are out!
I still have a bump on the inside of my lip, which might not ever go away, but since it's not noticable from the outside, I won't complain. I celebrated by....eating...and eating and eating. And food-wise, I was healthy. I had some corn soup, scrambled eggs, salad with a few strips of pork, bean soup and a riceball. But then I went insane on deserts. I had a tin of chocolates Ryu had gotten me on my birthday, the new Haagen-Dazs ice cream and some wagashi. My stomach hurts, and I more than likely won't eat anything for the rest of the day. Just going to sip on some green tea as I watch some paranormal videos on youtube. I thought about going for a walk since the rain has stopped and it's a bit sunny, but I also need a personal day to wash my hair, shave, do my brows and nails ect. It's rare that I have a full day off to do these things.


I've been cleaning up around the place. Now that it's confirmed Ryu and I will move either at the end of February or the beginning of March (It mostly depends on my work schedule), I'm creating a timeline. Ryu lives with his family, so there isn't much for him to do aside from pack and register his change of address, but I need to clean the apartment, have it inspected, pay any fees, pack and go to city hall, all while working on a schedule that has me home at 22:00 on most days.

While cleaning, I found my old Japanese textbooks. They had been given to my by a co-worker before he quit, who believed I was really letting my skills go to waste by not getting a certification. "This is what you're choosing to do? You have an easy in, graduating from a university with a reputation. You have all those skills from previous jobs and baitos. You have a degree with a wide variety of options, you have connections and this is what you want? I don't get why you'd work so hard to just take the easy road." Because I'm lazy, in that sense, honestly. 

I'd flip through the books, but never actually studied with them. I've never been a textbook person, and Kenshi was never really supportive, as he wanted to use English all the time and would unintentionally discourage me by making fun of foreigners he heard using Japanese. Either the foreigners Japanese was so bad he had to mock it. Or it was so good that he would have to point out that the person had unnatural Japanese and that it was too much like a textbook. I'm sure it wasn't his intention to intimidate me, but I became unable to use Japanese around him, out of fear that he would make fun of me somehow.

But Ryu doesn't speak English (He's picking up phrases here and there though!) and all of our communication is in Japanese. Improvement is a must. I'm fine when it comes to day to day life, but I wouldn't be able to hold my own in a speedy business setting with my current keigo.

So, I'm considering trying to study. But as I said, I've never been a textbook person....
I thought about giving them away, but as they've never been used, selling them is also an option...Hm.

And last, Ryu and I are thinking we will go to Yugawara for new years, if we can still get a room. I've gone and stayed there twice -- once with Kenshi and once with my friend M. Ryu has never been there though. It's mostly known for it's beaches in the summer, but it's onsen are very affordable and gorgeous!