Log in

No account? Create an account
09 October 2016 @ 09:58 pm
[sticky post]  


I disabled comments after getting some...interesting? comments. Go ahead and message me or just send me a request and I will check you out :)

I will keep entries public for 10 days, each (Or every two weeks if I am suddenly swamped!). Then they will be locked. This allows people to get a taste of what I'm like while still giving me a sense of privacy.

Thanks for understanding!


My stomach flare up over the weekend and I ended up having to go to ER to get a bunch of liquid drained out. Another beautiful scar to add to the collection. I was told to take it easy, but between work and having to clean out since I don't have time to do so in April, I will, naturally, not be taking it easy.

It's been seven years now since the great disaster. Though it goes without saying, I am going to say it -- I still miss Takeshi very much. I still flip through our photos and wonder. For years after, I would call his mother every memorial day of the disaster, but last year I didn't, as I was out celebrating Ryu's and my anniversary. I remembered to call her this year and she told me that it was okay to not call her, and that it was okay for me to put myself fully in to my current relationship.

I felt a bit hurt at first, but she expressed that we were both trying to hold on to a piece of what had been important to a person that was no longer here. But in all this time, we've both become different people, and are no longer the exactly same person associated with the person we lost. To show me she had no hard feelings, she joked that Takeshi would have been amazed that I no longer go clubbing or drink. "He would have had to give up his early morning surf-trips while you were hung over and sleeping!"

We laughed, even if it wasn't all that funny to me. I understood her point. So I wished her the best and then went out to treat myself to a strawberry almond-milk latte. I decided it best to not ever talk to Ryu about Takeshi. It's something I want to keep for myself.

Ryu and I grabbed a bite at a new place that opened up literally one minute and thirty seconds away from my flat. From the outside, it looked like a regular little cafe with handwritten signs, but inside was like a mini-wedding chapel restaurant. Everything was gorgeous in white and black and gold, with four course meals and easy-going music. We ordered a 1,000円 meal, which consisted of mushroom cream soup, boiled and seasoned red onion and ham, a spring salad, and then a plate of beef curry. Next month, they start working evenings as well. We're looking forward to that evening menue!

Baby names!! It was an unexpected conversation, but we discussed what names we'd like to use. While we haven't decided on anything yet, we agreed that we want something that goes well with Japanese and Spanish, and that has an easy English equivalent. I love that he took in to account that my mom has troubles with a lot of English names.

This may or may not be my last entry. I found a massive spider in my kitchen and have made several attempts to drown it in bug spray. It's still kicking and I'm still spraying. One of us is not going to make it.

Until I can get a hold of the DVD and possibly get permission to share, I bring cellphone shots I snuck in while the head was watching the video of our rehersal. Looking at our costumes, I find myself laughing at how simple they are, yet also feeling accomplished that we each made our own from scratch in about a week. I don't plan on making my own clothes or costumes or anything from here on out, but it's nice to know that I have it in me if I needed to.

I can't believe we're already in to March. It's really hitting hard that soon I will be moving in to a new place with Ryu and will probably need to begin calling him by his real name (lol). Then it's switching phones to family plans and all that....
The best way to de-stress is my talking to my mother, but that has been impossible, what with her having to take care of my nieces all the time. Anytime I call, the oldest basically takes the phone and has her way, so I don't even bother trying to call anymore. My mother feels bad about it, but I'm not angry. I just don't have the energy to deal with it at the moment. I told her to let me know when she doesn't have the girls.

My stomach is still being a major pain, literally and figuratively. The doctors are worried that the bacteria has become resistant against the antibiotics, since I didn't take them properly the first time around (Lets thank the first hospital I attended, for that!) but they don't want to strengthen them either and risk damaging my stomach any further. The idea of putting me on 13-14 hour fasts and trying a different antibiotic has been discussed to attack the bacteria on a fully empty stomach. Right now, we've been doing a good job at maintaining it so it doesn't get like some months back where I couldn't even move, but it doesn't look like it's getting cured. There is a chance that all the throwing up from my heart pill also had some role. Little by little, I know. It's just getting tiring -- literally. No matter how much I sleep, I look so worn out these days.

Ryu has decided to get back in to playing guitar seriously and asked me if it was okay for him to do so with his friend, who he was in a band with from Jr High up until they graduated high school. I told him I was okay with it, and he asked me if I was sure, since chances are most practices would be on Saturday nights. "I'll live," I told him. And really, I will, because it solves a major concern I had about living together -- still having "me time." Besides, it's not fair for me to go back to dance and then "not allow" him to get back in to guitar. He says that being with me and being exposed to all kinds of new music reminded him of how much he loved music, and seeing how many times I cried each time we watched The Greatest Showman (Five times, total) made him long for the days where he made music that hit people the way that movie hit me. Even if I didn't want him to practice guitar again, how could I say no after a reason like that?

The weather has been decent these days. Hopefully my knee heals up soon so I can get back in to longer power-walks and eventually back to 5k and then 10k runs. Although...I've yet to find a decent course to run. I just can't run paths with stoplights. I need to just go go go go go....and that doesn't exist in my area. That's one of the few things I miss about where I used to live. I could just lose myself in the rice fields for hours.

19 February 2018 @ 06:29 am
Yesterday morning, I get a message from my coworker in our job's LINE group chat. Basically, "I know it's last minute, but please learn these TWO dances by Saturday, instead of just the ONE."  Naturally, as I was already struggling with the first one on an emotional level, I was really irritated at having been thrown a second dance. But as usual, my anger powered me through the practices and I ended up getting the routines down at least 60%. My timing still needs work, but we have practice this evening, Wednesday evening and Friday evening. Maybe dancing as a unit will help me get that fixed.

I met up with Ryu to get my watch fixed. The insurance doesn't cover repairs, so it's going to cost me between 5,000 yen to 10,000 yen. I'll know exactly how much in two to three weeks, when the evaluation comes back. And once I get that price, I can find out whether or not I can get my hair treatment this month. I was really emotional about handing over my watch, and I can't really understand why. It was almost as though I wanted to cry. So Ryu said "Hey hey hey, let's go get a bite to eat and then go take those little pictures you like! Yeah?"
I pouted and raised my wrist, showing him that it was now naked, and he tried to kiss my wrist "Okay. Sorry. A bite, pictures and some new books?"

We did just that. We didn't realize Ryu had forgotten to take off his gloves until after the pictures and he asked if I wanted to redo them, but I wasn't really bothered, and actually found it funny.
After, we went to Book Off, where I got some book for 500yen, and then we went to カラオケ. Ryu said he might have to break up with me because he found out mid-duet of "A whole new World" that I don't actually like Aladdin, which is his favorite disney movie. A blew him a kiss and waved him goodbye as I started "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer.
In the end, we did not break up.

On the health front, I've been placed on a rotating diet. The bacteria infection in my stomach keeps coming back, even after repeated doses of anti-biotics, so they are wondering if my diet combinations are playing a role in the speedy bacterial reproduction. Basically, for one week, I will eat only one type of thing like fruits or veggies or carbs or meats, then have an exam. Then the next week, the same thing plus something else, like...fruits and carbs or fruits and meats, ect. It's going to be tough. Especially since I'm still getting used to the nausea by my other pills.
If they can figure out and fix this stomach thing, then I only have to worry about the other pills, which I finish up this year, and then I will be back in decent shape!

I have Monday off, so I want to sit down and work out a cleaning schedule. I want to get all the deep cleaning done in March, so that in April we only have to do light cleaning and can focus on the apartment search. But at the same time, Ryu pointed out that if I'm not getting my deposit back anyway, I shouldn't worry about such a deep cleaning anyway.  We'll see. The owner has been decent to me, so I think I'd feel a bit bad.

Amazingly, as the time draws near, the fears I had about living together have vanished, and I'm actually really looking forward to it. I gave up the idea of having my own room, as long as we have an extra room for us to flee to when we need alone time.
Clean this part of my room, do some push ups. Clean another part of the apartment, do some squats. A few more push ups....
This is me doing everything but practicing the dance I need to have down and ready by Saturday. I love dancing, without a doubt. But it is such a horrible feeling to dance a song you don't enjoy and simply can't feel. I don't even really consider it dancing when you can't feel the music, if that makes sense. It's more like...programmed movements. No soul. The dance is fast-paced and all over the place, and the only real confidence I had was in the fact that I looked good in the costumes we have to wear.

Until they decided I looked "too good" in that particular color and decided to change my wear. So, now I basically have zero motivation and find myself stumbling over the simplest moves. Therapy shopping was supposed to help, but even though I feel quite pleased with my purchases, I'm still down about the dancing. And so, here I am....cleaning and exercising and writing and not practicing at all. I was thinking about asking Ryu to come over and play guitar for me in hopes that seeing his passion at work would re-light that flame in me, but he's super busy this weekend as well. Like me, he also has a performance next weekend, at a wedding. I'm proud of him, but it sucks that both of us have performances at the same time, but only one of us is going to get to enjoy it. To top it off, the wedding is behing held at the wedding castle where Kenshi and I celebrated our last anniversary together. The fact that he and I dined there doesn't have much meaning to me, but while I will be slaving away on a stage, Ryu gets to do his passion AND eat amazing food.

I'll let myself mope this evening, over a couple of hot cups of ginger tea. In the morning, it's up bright and early, wash my hair, a bit of stretching, breakfast, catching up on journals, and then dance dance dance (hopefully).  I even went grocery shopping for produce in order to avoid having to leave the house for a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. Sunday will be the same until I head out to meet Ryu for dinner and to get my precious watch fixed. It hasn't fallen once and yet somehow, the inner glass is cracked.

I finished reading Nora Roberts' Tribute. My first Nora Roberts book. Tons of her books are at the second hand shop, but I can't decide if I want to snag them or not. Tribute was entertaining read I couldn't put down, but it wasn't anything that I'll remember or deeply crave in a few years.
Tags: , ,