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09 October 2016 @ 09:58 pm
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I disabled comments after getting some...interesting? comments. Go ahead and message me or just send me a request and I will check you out :)

I will keep entries public for 10 days, each (Or every two weeks if I am suddenly swamped!). Then they will be locked. This allows people to get a taste of what I'm like while still giving me a sense of privacy.

Thanks for understanding!


Ryu finally got checked out. Everyone had kept saying it was heat sickness but I didn't think it was. Turns out, I was right -- it was not heat sickness. His waterbottle was making him sick. Apparently, you aren't supposed to put sports drinks like ポカリスエット and アクエリアス in to non-plastic bottles.  I tried googling what the doctor had said in English, but not much came up. When I googled in Japanese however, there was tons of information. I wonder if Japanese waterbottles are made differently? Or if the energy drinks are different?
I felt a bit bad, as I had been the one to push Ryu to get a waterbottle and had assured him he could put anything in it. We got him a reusable plastic bottle for his sports drinks.

Last time I mentioned that my ex had decided to unblock me from LINE on the same day he decided to post a picture with his new girlfriend. Since then, he's decided to send me a message. I don't feel like communicating with him, so I haven't opened the full message, but it begins casually with "Hey. Hows it going?" I find it interesting that he would choose to ask, given that his last words to me were "You're too stoic and you'll never be happy," in the middle of our vacation, 12 hours before we parted ways. (Yes, we spent 12 hours together without saying a word to each other before parting ways at the station without a goodbye.)
Now, I don't hate him or anything. Despite it all, he was a good-guy in his own way. I just don't see the point of us being in each others lives at this point.

There is a fireworks festival tomorrow and since Ryu and I haven't worn our 浴衣 yukata this year, we're considering going. But we have to go to Tokyo, closer to kanagawa, in the morning to pick up our PS4, so I guess it depends on if we have energy afterwards. He still feels a bit weak, so we're going by car.

Today is my last solo-day before our vacation starts. Once Ryu get's home this evening, we won't have any time apart, really, unless one of us go out to meet friends or something. My co-workers say that if I sometimes feel like I want time apart from Ryu, then it isn't really love -- that I should want to be together always.
But I don't think thats entirely mentally healthy. Anyway, I want to enjoy this day of solitude. So my day will consist of dance practice, drinking new green tea blends, Collagen masks, putting together a new workout for this month, putting together Ryu's meal plan, doing the new workout, and catching up on TV programs (Or, new youtube channels, if anyone has anything good related to the paranormal?)

Still very much exhausted. It's been a rough week for me medically (My numbers have dropped again) and the sudden heat blast hasn't helped. On top of that, Ryu might be sick. He says it's Heat Sickness, but I have my doubts. He came home on Wednesday with a splitting headache, a fever and a sore body.  He called in Thursday, and slept literally all day until around 10pm. Friday he headed out to work, only to be sent home two hours later, with fevers, paleness, dizziness, nausea and stomach pains. Saturday, and he's still out like a light. He hasn't had much appetite.

He doesn't want to go to the clinic, so there isnt much I can do but make sure he eats and drinks his water. Monday and Tuesday, I'm gone on work and don't come home. Hopefully he's better by then. I hate thinking I wont be home while he's sick. I suppose I should worry about myself as well though while on this work trip. The meals are provided for us...but they are also disasterous on my body. I have two options, eat and feel extremely sick or don't eat and faint from lack of food. Last year I took my own foods and snacks and snuck around to have them, but I just don't have it in me this year. It feels wasteful to spend money on food I can't enjoy because I'm scarfing it down in a bathroom stall before getting back to work.
Last year consisted of Curry and Rice (And remember, I'm allergic to rice), McDonalds and Ice Cream, and bread with sausage. Two days of that. This year will be...?

My お盆休み starts on the 9th. Ryu starts on the 11th, so I have two days to catch up on some of my shows without inturruption. I'm currently only following three shows on dTV, so it shouldn't take long.

I also need to catch up on reading. I'm not the type to buy books and stack them faster than I can read them, as my space is limited. But I've fallen behind on what I own, and need to burn through these before I pick up anything else. My pace has really slowed down these days and it tends to take me a week and a half to two weeks to get through a book, as opposed to the 3-5 days it used to take me. Reading in English has become more important to me, as lately it's gotten harder for me to separate languages in my head (I'd love to read more and more in Spanish as well, as that's slipping as well, but it's just so expensive!) More and more, Japanese words slip in to my English and Spanish, and I find myself unable to immediately think of the equivalent word in the right language mid-conversation. It's not that I'm forgetting my own languages. They're simply mashing all together when I used to be really good at keeping them separate. Maybe it's the constant exhaustion?

In a small moment...Kenshi posted a picture of his new girlfriend and Ryu and I had quite the cackle. She isn't ugly or anything. On the contrary, she's quite pretty......and looks exactly. like. me. Hair color, eye color, skin color, hair style and texture (before i changed my hair...) I wonder if she speaks spanish as well. Before me, he never knew any other foreigners or dated any. I wonder if it's a jab to get me jealous. He had me blocked for the longest time, and suddenly I'm unblocked the same day he posts the picture. I'm flattered. Ryu says I should share our photo on our anniversary this week, but I'm not that petty.
On and off, I've been exchanging messages with Ryota again. Mostly just small chit-chatts. Take care in this heat, hope you are doing well, ect.  For the first time ever, I don't feel he'll be any threat to my relationship. 
Ryu scratched and dented his car thanks to a careless pedestrian on their smartphone. (Japan really needs to adjust the stupid "Pedestrian first" rule now that everyone is literally always on their phone.) The guy wasn't paying attention and just walked in to the way of Ryu's car as he was pulling out of our mansion complex. To avoid hitting him, Ryu made a sharp cut, and clipped the left rear end of the car against the mansion gates. It's around 40万 in damages. That's roughly $4,000. The plan is to pay 4万 ($400) to get the scratches and lower damaged part of the car repaired, then check around different shops for a better estimate to fix the rear end. It all has to get replaced, apparently.

I told Ryu that honestly, I would have rather tapped the dude with the car than crash the car. With a small tap and insurance, we wouldn't be looking at more than 20万 in medical, if even that, from a light touch, compared to the 40万 we have to pay now. He laughed, but that's because he doesn't realize I'm serious......Sort of. I don't think I could actually ever hit someone but...If the dude had no regard for his own life then hey.

Following the car evaluation, I went to the salon for the first time in half a year. Since I've been going to this salon ever since I moved to Saitama, I fully trust my hairdresser at this point and told him to just do away with everything dead. For 6,000円($60.00), I got a hair cut, wash, dry, straightening, and heat treatment. On top of that, he gave me a free treatment cream to try and use for a month before I actually purchase any new product. My hair damages faily quickly and it irritates him more than it does me. I apologize for the frizzies in my photo. I wanted to take the picture pre-styling and pre-product to give a better idea. My hair is the last thing I do before going to work.

We went to Ryu's mom's house to learn how to make とんかつ, and it turned well! I made Ryu stay with us and learn, so that he can finally cook for himself as well. She introduced us to an app called cook-pad, which is actually really easy to use and follow, so I might use that before asking her for more lessons. She naturally milked me for info on how he's doing and eating and such, and asked me to teach him to grow up. But you know, he's doing really well. He helps out a lot. It's only in her presence that he doesn't do a single thing!

She also nagged at me for not eating more meat.

Operation "Gain weight lose weight" has been going very well. Ryu has been exercising consistently for a week now using 3lb weights to start, and I've been doing light yoga before bed. I haven't stepped on a scale yet and I don't see real difference but when I went to buy new pants for work, I was down a full 6cm.

In about another week, we have お盆休み, a week off from work. With Kenshi, we used to take trips and go to onsens and such. But this year, there isn't really anywhere I want to go, and Ryu isn't much of the travelling type either, so we've decided to make it a week of self care! Massages, facials, movies at home, and expensive dinners at places we've always wanted to try. We'll go out here and there, but not to any real tourist spots.

I am so excited for a facial...as I've never had one. In my 29 years of life, I have never had a facial!
I leave work in 30 minutes and it's off to more doctor appointments. Blood tests and all that. The fun.

We danced at the 祭り and the big guy told me that I've really improved compared to last year. While I am for the most part confident in my dance skills, I'm well aware that my Japanese dancing needs work. So, it was nice to hear that I am making noticable progress. Though I was tired, I was in a really good mood when I got home, straight until morning, when something happened that really opened my eyes to my own insecurities and self-destructiveness......but also left me with a strong desire to improve myself properly.

Ryu has lost weight since moving in together (We aren't sure why. He eats an insane amount of food), and it's very noticable. Having it repeatedly pointed out to him left him feeling insecure to the point that he began buying protein shakes and drinking them twice a day along with breakfasts and dinner to increase his calorie count and bulk up. He began looking fuller and a bit healthier,and he began feeling more confident again. In the morning, after having been on protein shakes for a month now, he stepped on the scale....and looked heartbroken to see that somehow he had lost weight instead of gained. He weighs 109lbs (49kg) now and he's distraught over it. What kind of man weighs that?
The look on his face broke me and made me think of my own expression every time I've stepped on the scale and found myself feeling disappointed in myself, even with everyone around me denying the insecurities I felt. He didn't say anything as he stepped off the scale, but he didn't need to. I had an idea what was running through his head -- probably the same words that ran through my own when I felt like a failure for not having reached my goal even though I had been trying my best. He was probably wondering what the point in trying so hard had been.
He left the room, grabbing his "useless bag of protein" and heading to his own room, and I wandered in to the living room. I wanted to say something to comfort him, but I knew from experience that no matter what I said, it probably wouldn't matter. He'd hear my words, but wouldn't really be listening. And then he came back.

"What do I?" he asked me. I blinked at him, confused. "I need to bulk up." he said, holding the bag of protein out to me. "How do I do this?" I blinked again and opened my mouth, though no words came out.

"You're the expert on this. You exercise. You keep fit. You know what you're doing. Help me. Train me. What do I do?"
And I realized that even with my own insecurities, and the fact that I constantly sulked and nagged to him about my weight and dislike of it, he didn't see me as the failure I thought I was. He didn't see my failures as failures, but as steady progress, and he wanted that steady progress.

"Okay...okay. Right. Okay. Lets do this together." I nodded.
We decided that starting August, he would begin working out with me three days a week. After grocery shopping, he headed back to his home-town to meet with a friend for drinks, and I whipped out some old fitness magazines I used for a couple of months before giving up on them. Because I wanted fast results, I used to rush through the exercises to do 100 reps of each in a short amount of time, not really concerned with proper poses or form. But because of that sloppy form, I didn't get results and gave up.  I decided to give them another try, now that I have a bit more discipline to do the exercises properly without rushing through. 

Hoooooooly cow what a difference proper form and breathing makes! The work-out takes two hours total (An hour on the stretching and circulation portion and an hour on actual muscle training) and while it doesn't feel as though I'm working extremely hard compared to cardio, I sweat buckets while doing it, even with the air conditioner on! It feels amazing, and it's a lot easier to go to Ryu and ask him to explain a certain exercise when I don't fully understand the pose. He talked about going out next weekend to buy work-out clothes together, and mentioned wanting to cut back on coffee and cigarettes. He's also been asking me about things like calorie counts and whatever. And even though I've always rushed through workouts myself and did whatever I thought would give me immediate results, I found myself telling him as he talked about all these things "Well, we don't want to do it. Slow and steady okay? One step at a time." 
We spent thirty minutes at the pharmacy together, looking at different shakes, googling them and other random tidbits. I never saw myself as extremely knowledgable when it came to these things, but knowing that he's counting on me has filled me with a sense of...responsibility? I want to be able to help him, but I can't help him if I don't educate myself first. And the more I educate myself, the stronger my desire to improve myself grows.

I have tomorrow off and I need to run to the market. After that, it will be relaxing with a new magazine I purchased because of it's extensive yogurt comparisons, litres of iced lemon water, and a facemask. Unless it's extremely hot, in which I will wash our bed sheets, put out our futons, clean, and then relax.  While I don't feel particularly hot this summer, I know it's hot by the amount of hair I'm shedding. You'd think we had a dog!